From The Real World to Basketball Wives to the big screen, Tami Roman has established himself as the king of Hollywood business. Most recently, the actress is returning to her reality show roots in a different capacity.
VH1’s Level Up Mondays has a new show called Caught in the Act: Unfaithful in which Roman will help people take action against cheating partners. In this exclusive interview with REVOLT, the ‘Truth Be Told’ actress talks about the new series, her relationship with Reggie Youngblood and an idea for a separate TV show she wants to make a reality.
What made you sign on to Caught In The Act: Unfaithful?
I signed up because I feel like that person and there was no outlet for me. We’ve seen shows that deal with relationships and infidelity – this show offers an opportunity to sit down with the other woman, which caught my eye. When I experienced infidelity in my previous marriage, I would have liked the opportunity to sit down and talk to some of these people. The first time I sat down with someone, I punched her in the face (laughs). You must watch the game on Basketball Wives.
I would have liked to have been in a position where the conversation could have taken place in a controlled environment – not a confrontation but a real conversation and getting to the bottom of things so I can make the right decisions about the future of my life. Now I could live a little more. I have compassion and empathy for people in this predicament, and I know how to advise and advise based on my own ability to come out the other side.
As you mentioned earlier, you have experienced infidelity in the past. What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned?
The biggest lesson I learned was that it wasn’t me. WThe first time I went through it I thought it was me and something was wrong with me. It really has nothing to do with you – it’s just about her and the inability to be committed, loving, honest, unconditional in your thought process, and selfless when it comes to a relationship with another person. The inability to do so is a character flaw of that individual, not you. That was the biggest lesson I learned. I now know not to be so hard on myself and know that I am valuable and valuable – knowing that the love I need is out there and not with that person.
Do you have any advice to share to help couples maintain a healthy, fun relationship?
Couples need to be honest — not superficial, but brutally honest — about the things they need in a relationship. People say communication, but the problem is that people don’t understand communication. Most people think it’s about talking and saying what you want, how you’re feeling, and what you need. The other side of communication, in order for it to be done properly, is listening.
When you properly combine communication with brutal honesty, you’ll come to a point like the couples we see in the media – Ciara and Russell Wilson. And while people love to joke about Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith, they have a very deep understanding of what their relationship is, and that’s why they’re still together. Given what is going on, they know what their relationship is and what it represents to them. Many don’t know that.
During the 2022 BET Awards weekend, you acted as the relationship guru for one of the activations. Do you ever see yourself opening your own practice or expanding this business?
I do this for fun because people like it and we do the matchmaker thing and it’s a good time. This show shows some of that — the relationship counseling and counseling in a non-written format while engaging with real people and real situations. I would like to say that the show is a hybrid – Talk show-meets-unscripted-reality programming. I have a feeling that people will get some of those elements naturally and generally through this show.
In what way does Reggie give you security in your relationship and a reason why you fall in love with him every day?
The only thing Reggie has done for me is have Job’s patience. When you’re interacting with someone who’s been through a lot of things that I’ve been through — not just relationship oriented, but life oriented — I have a lot of baggage, but everyone has it. We’re all in line at baggage claim. I like to say, “Pick up our shit and take it to the next destination.” He has the patience of Job to say, “I’m not what you’re used to and your experience of me won’t be the same be like other people’, and he had to show me that.
He couldn’t just say that. Reggie shows me every day that he has my back and loves me – he will be present in all the things I have to do, so I remain in love with him.
You talked about this a few months ago taking a break from The Real and giving Reggie a pass so he could conceive a child with another woman, which he ultimately declined. What advice would you give to anyone going through something similar or trying to fulfill a wish in a different way for their partner?
Before I answer that question, let me give you a little clarity and context as to what I meant because I only had two minutes to respond so I wanted people to know this: Reggie and I tried to to find a replacement and with the type of job he has he works from home which allows him to travel with me while I do the many things I need to do. When I said take a break, I meant take a break from taking me to the streets to find the replacement we need because it’s a long process. I’m not sure if people understood that.
It’s true…screening a surrogate can definitely be a very long process.
You know, if you don’t have knowledge then you don’t really understand the process. You don’t just open a book and say “you” (laughs). Does not work like that. It’s a process with my eggs to make sure that person is compatible and their uterus can hold the small amount of eggs that I have, because if we lose them, what now? The process was very complex and he didn’t give the right time to do it right – that’s what I meant when I said that.
Do I want my husband to put his penis in someone else? No, I didn’t mean that (laughs). I’ll give you full context on this. One piece of advice for others, now that I’ve been able to explain what I meant in context, would be that I was selfless enough to say, “Disconnect from the mental and emotional amount of energy you’re giving me and go with something.” around who you know you want to be so that we can cross that bridge and walk it together.”
You showed your acting skills in the Apple TV+ series “To be honest,” which was renewed for the third season, as well as in “The Ms. Pat Show” which is scheduled for the second season. Assuming you could do your own show, what would the plot be like and who would star?
It would be a scripted series and I would probably pick someone like Octavia Spencer, Angela Bassett, Viola Davis, Gabrielle Union, Sanaa Lathan, Essence Atkins or Regina Hall – each of them (laughs). It would be a show called “good sorrow”, and it would cover the layers of grief that we don’t deal with in the African American community. How there are five stages of grief that people sweep under the rug and don’t process when we lose someone we love. This would be based on my life losing my mother and how I chose not to deal with her illness because she protected me – rather than protecting her from what she was going through.
Tami… that’s a great idea. Have you suggested this to a network or streaming service?
We haven’t pitched it yet but it’s something me and my partner would love to do.